my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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