no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
