There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
