So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
