I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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