My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
