there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
