I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
