when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
