Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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