What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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