I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
