I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
