Can Purell be used as lube?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
