hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
