Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
