Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
