'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
