They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
