She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
