Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
