I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is Oprah even human
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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