The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
