You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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