I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
