i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize