I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
