My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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