I want to have your abortion
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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