The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
