I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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