my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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