I look better un-naked...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
