All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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