I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
