She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
