just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
