i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
