If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize