Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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