So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
