Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
NoShamevember. You game?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
