Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
