i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
