Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
