The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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