my mouth tastes like poor choices
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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