So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
