i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
