Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
