he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
