I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
