Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
