Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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