there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
