just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry about my life...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
