where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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