I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
