We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
