:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
