i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
