How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize