I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize