I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
