i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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