dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
