There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
