used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would ride that face into the sunset
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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