If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
