Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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