im having a threesome with these popsicles
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
